Control Freak

I just took a shower. TMI?

While in there I had this overwhelming desire to scrub it clean using all the elbow grease I could muster! If you’re thinking, “Wow! Her shower must be pretty dirty.” You’d be right. It was dirty. But that isn’t the reason for my desire to clean it.

I wanted control over my environment. I crave the power I feel when I can fix a problem.

Shower dirty?

Clean it. Scrub it like  your very life depends on it!

Shower is clean. Problem solved. I solved it.

I crave control – the power over my many little environments to make people and things conform to my wishes.

I see it in my marriage, my parenting, my relationships, my workouts, my diet, my purchases. In every area I can find that desire for control if I look for it.

When the formula A+B=C can be relied upon I am happier. If I do x then y is sure to happen. I see this in my quest for health and wellness. “If I eat right and exercise I won’t get sick.”

All of this points to my irritation (and fear actually) that I am ultimately not the one in control of my life, this world, anything.

Someone IS in control of all these things.

God. The God of the Bible. Our Creator is in complete control. He is sovereign over all things. He is the only God.

“But God made the earth by his power; he founded the world by his wisdom and stretched out the heavens by his understanding. When he thunders, the waters in the heavens roar; he makes clouds rise from the ends of the earth. He sends lightning with the rain and brings out the wind from his storehouses. Everyone is senseless and without knowledge; every goldsmith is shamed by his idols. The images he makes are a fraud; they have no breath in them. They are worthless, the objects of mockery, when their judgement comes, they will perish.” Jeremiah 10:12-15

Since he is a good God, I can trust in his goodness even and especially when “bad” things happen.

“Trust in the LORD with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding; In all your ways submit to him, and he will make your paths straight. Do not be wise in your own eyes, fear the LORD and shun evil. This will bring health to your body and nourishment to your bones.” Proverbs 3:5-7

Why do I trust him? Because he loves me and showed that love in his forgiveness of my sins through Jesus Christ on the cross.

When I do all the “x’s” and the “y’s” I expected aren’t happening I can always remember the one who is in control loves me and has promised to work ALL THINGS for my good because I love him and have been called according to his purpose. Romans 8:28

Reassured with this knowledge I am free to rest in his love for me even when he allows the trials in my life. I know he has purpose in them. All my trying to avoid these trials is just futility IF my motive is merely control.

However, if my motive in taking action in my spheres of influence is solely to bring glory to God I can submit to my husband, discipline my children, be vulnerable in my relationships, workout consistently, eat right, and control my spending without fear of loss. Loss of control or any other kind of loss are for my own good – they point me to my Creator.

So I will continue to push myself and others to do what’s right for our health, our marriages, our children, our friendships and our souls all to the glory of God.

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